Be an inspiring coach

Over a holiday break in 2007, my wife and I flipped through the cable channels and "discovered" a great TV reality show: Project Runway. In the program, budding fashion designers competed to create the best outfit each week, usually over an incredibly tight deadline. I'll admit that I watched the rest of the season, and several seasons after that.

I'm not very interested in fashion, but what drew me to this show is one of the anchors: Tim Gunn. Tim acted as a kind of style mentor, and met with each designer for a brief coaching session midway through each design challenge. Tim brought years of experience in fashion and design, and used his background to encourage the designers during their work.

What I loved about Tim's style was how he practiced excellent coaching skills. It was up to the designer to turn out a great piece; Tim's job was to advise. He asked open-ended questions of the designer to understand their thought process, and to help the designer to reach their own decisions about where to take an outfit.

I never saw an episode where Tim was critical of a designer. If Tim saw something odd in a design, he said "This worries me" or asked "Tell me about this." While discussing the issue, he provided encouragement and support, often with his catchphrase "Make it work", or "Carry on." Other phrases I heard Tim use included "Consider what you're doing here, and think about how to take it to the next level" and "Use this thoughtfully." From there, it was up to the designer to make their own decisions with the outfit.

It was a testament to Tim's excellent coaching style that no designer ever said (during judging, or at any part in the show) "But this is what Tim wanted me to do" or "But Tim said…" The designer took inspiration from the coaching session with Tim, and ran with it. The final decision, and the responsibility and achievement, was theirs.

This is exactly what coaching is all about. The goal is not for the coach to have all the answers, or to act as a judge, or to steer the other person to a particular conclusion. Rather, the coach should act as a springboard for new ideas, asking open-ended questions that allow the other person to see things with a new perspective. The other person needs to take it from there, to make their own decisions.

Coaching can be a tough skill to develop, especially for those of us with a background in IT, where often we want to provide answers. But coaching is about helping to provide direction, not answers. With practice, you'll find your coaching skills improve.

At Hallmentum, I include peer co-coaching as part of leadership development programs and workshops. If you are interested in developing coaching skills on your own, I encourage you to catch an old episode of Project Runway, and watch closely how Tim Gunn interacts with the designers during their coaching sessions. Listen to how he asks questions without criticizing. Learn some tips about how to ask questions without suggesting an answer or a direction.

Then it's up to you to exercise those new skills: Volunteer for co-coaching! If you are a manager, I also encourage you to do manager-staff coaching in your next one-on-one meeting with your staff.

Looking for inspiration? Watch this coaching session where Tim provides a critique with Dmitry. Watch for what questions Tim asks to understand Dmitry's point of view without judging. As the coaching session continues, Tim gives suggestions for how Dmitry might focus his work, but it's up to Dmitry.

Here is another coaching session where Tim shares a critique with Elena. Again, Tim asks probing questions to understand the designer's point of view and her plans for the project. Tim offers suggestions as options and offers support. At the end, Tim helps Elena prepare for the judges by asking her a hypothetical: "How will you respond to the judges if they say…"